Going up without the smoke

Need a nicotine hit? Want to beat the smoking ban? A smokeless cigarette could be the answer, for the long – or short – haul. Just be prepared for some funny looks, writes ROSEMARY Mac CABE SMOKELESS CIGARETTES are (allegedly) the solution for the smoker who hates the rain, can’t make it through a two-hour movie, can’t make the trek outdoors during the workday or finds the idea of a four-hour flight unbearable.
There are various types, the most widely available being the electronic cigarette, which contains a liquid containing nicotine that is vaporised and inhaled. Ryanair now sells the other most popular type, in the form of Similar smokeless cigarettes.
Ryanair’s head of communications, Stephen McNamara, says the product was introduced due to customer demand. “Some passengers can find it stressful to spend long journeys without a cigarette so we introduced the product based on customer feedback and to cater to passenger demand. It seemed a logical step to introduce a product that could provide smokers with relief from nicotine withdrawal.
“Smokers enjoy the ‘taste’ of the product while many have reported that is has helped them take the stress out of flying as they no longer worry or feel anxious about missing when they can get their next nicotine hit during a flight.” But how similar are Similar cigarettes? While it seems feasible that these cigarette-alikes will substitute for the real thing on a short-haul flight, how do faux fags fare in the real world? Dan Kinsella is an IT consultant who tried electronic cigarettes as a somewhat healthier alternative to smoking. “They only provide nicotine, as opposed to all the chemicals in a normal cigarette.” Was he satisfied? “You don’t get quite the same feeling,” he says. “After a while I went back on normal cigarettes.” He did, however, find them useful for avoiding the smoking ban. “I used to smoke at my desk, when I didn’t have time to go out for an ordinary cigarette.” Richard and Celine O’Connor both use electronic smoking devices – he a pipe, she cigarettes. Richard says that, aside from a minor issue – “they come in many flavours (anything from vanilla to Red Bull) but I’m finding it difficult to find a flavour I like” – they are very convenient for the couple. “My wife had to spend a night in hospital recently, and we both brought our electronics in. We were happily puffing away when we were caught by a nurse.” A quick demonstration allayed her fears.
I spent a day with Ryanair’s Similar branded smokeless cigarettes: a packet of 10, purchased for €6 on board a Ryanair flight, to see how it feels to smoke on the right side of the law.
The first thing I notice is that they smell, to all intents and purposes, like what one’s mother might call “sucky sweets” – irrefutably better than mainstream cigarettes, albeit slightly strange. They feel like real cigarettes and, crucially, they look like them.
I initially thought my Luas journey might cause difficulty. People, in my experience, are usually – and rightly – quick to complain when they see someone lighting up and, unlike clubs or pubs, bright lights mean I’m in plain sight. No waiting for plumes of smoke or that tell-tale smell.
People look – probably wondering whether I’m insane, given that I am sucking on what looks like an unlit cigarette – but complaints are few. The embarrassment, for the self-onscious, is one big drawback of the smokeless cigarette. Whether they’re saying it or not, people are wondering what in the world you’re doing.
I see a flicker of interest from the woman across from me. “You’re not going to light that, are you?” No, you don’t light smokeless cigarettes. You suck on them as you would an ordinary cigarette, without the irritating lighter fumblings. I take a drag.
“They’re smokeless cigarettes,” I say, and exhale. No smoke; any idea I might have had about smoking being “cool” – has gone out the window. I am slightly embarrassed. I take another pull and glance at my interrogator.
“I’m spending a day with smokeless cigarettes.” She looks sceptical.
“But when do you know when it’s finished?” A-ha. The problem with not lighting a cigarette is immediately apparent; for as long as you suck on it, it emits that slightly sweet, fabricated taste. You will never get to the end of your smokeless cigarette. Of course I didn’t spend a day smoking the same one, but you get my drift; furthermore, there is something infinitely wasteful about putting a whole, seemingly unsmoked, cigarette in the bin. If you can’t find a bin, you risk putting it back in the packet and re-smoking it later on. A handy money saver, if a little disgusting.
At work there is more confusion. Explaining what a smokeless cigarette is gets tiring quickly.
Smoking in the lunchtime queue in the deli seems precarious; the place is packed and it’s all I can do to balance my sandwich and bottle of water while counting out change. I give up. Later that evening, five smokeless cigarettes down, I go to the cinema with another friend who, in the dim light and without the odour or glowing embers, is the only one to notice what I’ve got in my mouth. “What is that?” I almost wish I’d painted a sign. “It’s a smokeless cigarette,” I whisper. “Oh, are you giving up?” Well, no, not quite.
Similar cigarettes contain 0.8mg of nicotine – compared to 0.5mg in my usual cigarette of choice. They do, therefore, sate my nicotine cravings – but so do patches, and they don’t come with endless questions. What they don’t, in fact, do, is act like a cigarette. There is no smoke and the taste is entirely different – the problem is nicotine on its own isn’t enough, which is why we smoke at all. In order to work, nicotine replacements need to be coupled with large amounts of willpower.
Smoking a cigarette that looks like a cigarette, acts like a cigarette but neither tastes nor feels like a cigarette (while giving you more nicotine than a cigarette) seems an odd choice.
Smokeless cigarettes allow you to smoke and obey the law – in the comfort of your desk chair, on public transport, in the back of a taxi – but you don’t get what smokers (perhaps mistakenly) see as the “satisfaction” of smoking. It’s like being on a diet where you’re advised to sniff a piece of chocolate without eating it.
If you can’t face going without smoking for four hours or so (Ryanair’s longest flight from Dublin is currently to the Canary Islands), you may want to indulge in some smokeless cigarettes. Alternatively, you could consider that four hours is about as long as Titanic – and the prospect of watching that is infinitely more painful than a few hours of nicotine cravings.